Dean and Jerry were riding a train across the west.
Jerry looked out the window and saw a whole lot of buffalo roaming the range.
Look at that big bunch of buffalo said Jerry.
Dean: Don’t say bunch say herd.
Jerry: Heard what.
Dean: Herd of buffalo. Jerry: Sure I’ve heard of buffalo.
Dean: No… you don’t understand, a buffalo herd.
Jerry: I don’t care what a buffalo heard I ain’t said nothing that I’m ashamed of.
St Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own handpicked boys.
“Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. “But you realise, I hope, that we’ve got all the good players and the best coaches.” “I know, and that’s all right,” Satan answered unperturbed. “We’ve got all the umpires.”
Letter from Banta Singh to Mr Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which i want to bring to your notice.
1. There is button ’start’ but there is not ’stop’ button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friends clicked ‘run’ he ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to ’sit’, so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doudt is whether any ‘re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.
A soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following: “Regret cannot remember which one is you… please keep your photo and return the others.”
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• He who hesitates is probably right.
• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
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If Noah had lived in the US in today’s day and age, the the story may have gone something like this.
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an ark.”
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Sign over a Gynaecologist’s office: Dr Jones, at your cervix.
In a Podiatrist’s office: Time wounds all heels.
On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels.
At a Proctologist’s door: To expedite your visit please back in.
On a Plumber’s truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
On another Plumber’s truck: Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber
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These are from actual resumes —
• I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.
• I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.
• Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and do not come cheap.
• I intentionally omitted my salary history. I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.
• Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.
• Number of dependents: 40.
• Marital status: Often. Children: Various.
dinesh | 
05 25th, 2009| 